The Backstory

Performed our British Arts monologue for the class today. Considering there were a good deal of no-shows what with two sick classmates, it ended up just me and Kim performing. Though her monologue may have seemed greatly limited by its character, Joan of Arc, she brought it to life with her clear diction and understanding. I thought it was an excellent portrayal of Joan of Arc. Then it was my turn, oh the horror. It's the same monologue that I have previously performed for the class. It the one about the Catholic school girl, Elizabeth, whose grandmother has recently passed away and now she is confronting God for the sin he has caused against her. The words alone are very moving, but I just can't seem to connect the two together. My teacher keeps emphasizing that I need to explore a closer affection with the grandmother character while showing more separation between the affection and anger for God. I'm trying to channel my own grandmother's passing and all the tears my family shed for her, but my nervousness seems to be taking over. What to do?